I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
farters have to be the big spoon...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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