i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
