so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
