im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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