have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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