TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
