so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
