you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
