dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
