I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
