I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Buhtt sex?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize