I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
