do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
