If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
