Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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