just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
