We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
