apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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