every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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