I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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