I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
