I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
