I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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