At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
