He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
