Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
