You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
