i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
