saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
