Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
