she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
