I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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