My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
