Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
