You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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