Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
