If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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