the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
