yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
