Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
