you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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