dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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