Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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