let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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