I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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