The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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