There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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