Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
