Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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