I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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