Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How external is "for external use only"?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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