You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
