These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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