you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
