they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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