i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
