Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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