Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
