I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
