Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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