I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
