I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
