I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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