The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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