How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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