woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
