I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
