Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
