yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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