remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
